10 or More Ways To Lose Hojou
by Lady Destiny
Summary: Kagome is sick of Hojou, so she plans on hiring someone to act as her beau..is it better or worse?
1. Tired

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10 or More Ways to Lose Hojou

Author's Note: Hey all you Inu/Kag fans! I finally showed my face here!

Disclaimer's Note: I don't Own InuYasha or its characters. I only own the story that I'm writing.

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" Kagome, don't look now… he's back."

Kagome sunk in her seat as her best friend Sango pointed towards a tall boy walking towards their table.

" Sango, please tell him I'm busy?" Kagome pleaded as she covered her face with a menu.

The tall boy, Hojou came towards the table and smiled sweetly.

" Hey, you're Kagome's friend, aren't you?" he asked, looking around for the girl of his affections.

" Sorry, Kagome's home… sick," Sango lied, smiling back at Hojou innocently. 

His expression suddenly changed from happy to sad in less than a second. " Oh… in that case, I'll buy her some medicine and drop by her house!"

Sango sweatdropped as the boy began to whistle happily and turned around the corner to buy some cough drops.

" Kami, how do you deal with that everyday?" Sango asked. " He's as dense as a brick wall!"

Kagome placed her menu down and eyed her best friend. " It gets worse. He comes over at night and asks if I'm comfortable enough."

Sango spit out her milkshake and blinked. " You're not joking?"

Kagome shook her head, sighing as stirring the contents of her shake. " Nope. He's totally psycho, and get this: he thinks I'm his girlfriend!"

Sango glanced worriedly at her friend. " Stalker? Woah… you should do something about that!"

Kagome looked up and her blue-grey eyes glinted with mischief. " Yeah, I should!"

" What are you going to do?" Sango asked, not liking the look in her eyes.

" I'm going to hire a boyfriend!"

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Author's Note: it's a bad start, but I hope it'll be better soon…


	2. Auditions Gone Wrong

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10 Or More Ways To Lose Hojou

Author's Note: Sorry about the long delay, I got a huge writer's block and I was starting to lose interest in writing fics for Anime… (shudder) that kinda made me write again… I'm like obsessed with Anime, which then would be bad if I lost interest in writing fics about it!.

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_Hire a boyfriend _

Kagome sat patiently, grasping her pencil as Sango led another boy into her living room. Souta slurped his Wackdonald's cola and was waiting for Kagome to hand him a paper to place on the 'possible boyfriends' box. So far, Souta only had one in hand. 

" And your name is?" Kagome asked politely, waiting to fill in the 'profile' page. 

The boy blushed and stuttered. " B-breadbox."

Souta choked on his cola and started a coughing fit. Sango opened the door and waited until Kagome snapped back into reality.

" Breadbox?" Souta asked for Kagome who was now banging her head on the table. " Sorry pal. Take a hike."

Kagome, being desperate after seeing almost half of the school's male population, stopped the boy. " Wait… What are your parent's names?"

Souta stared at his sister incredulously. " You're kidding right?" both he and Sango asked.

" No, now… what are your parents' names and what is your nickname?" Kagome asked all the while chanting a mantra in her head. 'I am not insane. I am not insane. I am-'

" My mother's name is Muffin and my father's name is Bat," the boy said, holding his head up high as he stared lovingly at Kagome. " My friends call me 'Gullible'."

" I can see why," Sango muttered.

" I see," Kagome said. " What's your last name?" 'I am no insane. I am not insane-'

" Man"

" So your full name is Breadbox Man?" Kagome asked, sweat-dropping. ' I **am** insane!'

" Yes, and my father's full name is Mr. Bat Man, my mother's full name is Mrs. Muffin Man." He said smiling. 

Kagome smiled and nodded as she crumpled up his profile tossing it behind her back along with the other hundred or so in the trash.

" Next," she said as her eyebrows twitched. 

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Finally after interviewing the whole male population at their school, Sango sat down beside Kagome who now had waterfalls streaming from her eyes.

" I'm never going to get rid of Hojou!"

"You called?"

Kagome screamed in shock as Hojou's head suddenly popped out of the front window. He smiled and opened the front door, holding a bouquet of flowers.

" For you, my sweet," he said, hearts in his eyes.

Kagome started to hyperventilate and Sango cut in for her best friend. " Um, I don't think that would wise," Sango said, trying to figure out a lie to make Hojou leave.

Hojou merely tilted his head in confusion. " Why so?"

" Um, Kagome-onee-san's boyfriend wouldn't approve!" Souta said trying to rid the dense boy. " He's-he's the head of the … the… Youkai gang you know!"

Sango and Kagome gasped as they heard Souta lie through his teeth. Hojou knew the Youkai gang. In fact, Hojou was **part** of that gang… but just because he was too dense to know they were mooching money off of him. 

" Really? InuYasha or SesshouMaru?" Hojou asked, worried as he looked at Kagome. 

Souta didn't know either and hoped he made the right choice. 

" uh-uh- InuYasha!"

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Author's Note: Again sorry for the delay! TBC!


	3. First Impressions

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10 Or More Ways To Lose A Hojou

Author's Note: wow. that was a long break… sorry to say I got Writer's block. I still do… I have no clue what to do from here on in… so I'm just winging it.

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Kagome shook her head, not knowing what to do. Everyone in school had avoided her, the rumor of being InuYasha's girlfriend making itself known. Hojou had stopped pining for her, that was great, but he began to tell every guy and girl in the school.

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To get the proper respect you deserve

Kagome sighed and opened her locker, only for it to close harshly. She turned to the boy who leaned on her locker and her eyes widened. Right there, beside her locker, glaring at her was InuYasha himself. His silver hair cascaded down his back and his golden eyes were clear with anger.

There were three guys and a girl who resembled her standing right behind him. One of the youkais looked like him, Kagome assumed it was SesshouMaru, his brother. 

" What's this going on about you and me?" he barked.

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Thank Kami Hojou wasn't around to hear that. 

Kagome sighed as she looked around. 

"Look, I'm sorry if this rumor caused you any problems okay? I wanted Hojou to get off my back and my brother just decided to help me by saying you were my boyfriend, okay?" Kagome explained quickly. " He didn't know Hojou was in your gang…"

InuYasha frowned and the youkai onna grinned widely. " Actually, you did us all a favor!"

Kagome looked at the girl strangely and blinked. " um… Come again?"

Another youkai, with brown hair and blue eyes smirked. " That's true, we've been looking for someone to get Kikyou off InuYasha's bag for a long time!"

Kagome tilted her head. Kikyou was one of the cheerleaders that worshipped the ground InuYasha walked on. Why in the world would they want her off his back?

" Besides, Kagura here likes Hojou," Miroku said pointing to the blushing youkai.

Kagome nodded, acting as if she knew what they were talking about. " Okay, sure, anyway… I have to get to class… so…"

SesshouMaru cleared his throat. " We have yet to discuss how you will continue this charade with my half-brother."

Kagome froze in place and turned around. Kagura smiled warmly and tugged at her arm. 

"It's not that bad, Kagome. Besides. This gets my Hojou-kun off your back, gets Kikyou off InuYasha's back, your best friend can hook up with Miroku here and Kikyou's all for Naraku."

"Naraku?" 

Kagura nodded grimly. " My brother. He has this God-awful crush on Kikyou… says she resembles someone he once knew."

Kagome paled. " Your last name isn't Onigumo… is it?"

Kagura looked at her strangely and nodded. "… Oh Kami… you're **the** Kagome Higurashi!"

The rest of the gang were clueless and a small fox came out of InuYasha's robe. " You mean, Naraku's old crush from his last school?!"

Kagura smiled. " Wow, Onii-san has a good taste in girls… isn't that right, Shippou?"

Kagome smiled uncertain whether to run from them or to stay still and let them forget her. Either way… she knew it was going to end badly.

" Wow, that complicates things," Miroku said. " I mean, what if Naraku fights InuYasha… that would be bad…"

InuYasha scoffed and crossed his arms in front of his chest, nearly squishing Shippou; who scuttled into Kagome's arms. 

" Look, if Kikyou gets off my back because of her, I'd fight Naraku any day. I'd rather die like a warrior than die hiding in my room," he said gruffly.

Suddenly, Sango burst out of the room and bumped into Kagome.

" There you are! Come on, you're going to get detention if you don't get a slip saying you were at the nurse's office!"

"What? Why?" Kagome asked, ignoring the strange looks she was getting from the youkais and the hearts in Miroku's eyes.

" I told Sanzhenin-sensei that you slipped when you came and you were getting ice from the office!" Sango said. 

Kagome shook her head and sighed. " There's only 45 minutes left of school… I'd rather go home, if you don't mind."

InuYasha raised his eyebrow at her, causing her slight discomfort.

" What?" she asked, irritated by his gaze. " I don't like math!"

InuYasha shrugged. " I just never thought you were the skipping type." He said. " You look more like the girl who kisses ass."

" You say that again and I'll make sure you're kissing linoleum!"

InuYasha laughed, amused at her audacity. Before he knew what hit him, Kagome dropped her books, dropped down on the ground and swiftly swept his feel right below him, causing him to-literally- kiss linoleum.

Sango gaped at her best friend, who was no whistling as she carried her bag and walked proudly towards the gates. 

Kagura laughed and Kouga stared before her. " Wow, that's the kind of girl **I** like!"

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Author's Note: okay… that was so OOC. Can't help it! I'm winging it!


	4. Fine Print

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10 Or More Ways To Lose A Hojou

Author's Note: Major writer's block…major

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Feeling the throbbing pain in his crotch area, InuYasha sat down on his comfortable bed gently. Sighing as the pain lessened as he stopped moving. 

InuYasha felt humiliated, but he wasn't about to back down now. He got a mischievous grin in his face and made sure that the relationship that he was going to have with the ningen was pure hell for her and pure fun for him. 

He wanted Kikyou off his back and he'd much rather liked a fiery, tempermental ningen to an insane one. 

'Now… how am I supposed to… ah ha!'

With a few calls to certain gossips and with the help of his gang… the stage was set and all it needed were the actors. Grinning like mad, InuYasha dashed off to sleep, hoping that tomorrow would come soon.

' Sleep well Kagome… because you'll need it…'

As he turned over, he screamed in pain, waking up his entire family in the process.

" Still hurts, little brother?" SesshouMaru taunted, a smirk on his usually stoic face. " I must admit… I really wanted a camera present on that moment…"

" Shut up! I'm going through with the bet… this just means war between me and my little…Kagome," InuYasha said through gritted teeth. 

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Kagome couldn't believe her luck. Not only did InuYasha spread their 'relationship' around, he even made sure to act like they were real couples. He would come by in between classes to show her his hangouts and walk her to class.

' I have a funny feeling I didn't make things better…' she thought as a group of girls made their way towards her. The leader, looked surprisingly like her.

" Are you Higurashi Kagome?" the girl asked, her voice dripping with venom

" Er… yes… and you are?"

"Kikyou."

Kagome blinked, looking at her scowling face. 'I've heard that name before… now _where_ have I heard that from?'

" Kikyou… hm…" Kagome's face lit up with recognition and she smiled brightly. " Oh! You're the girl Naraku has his eyes on!"

The girls in Kikyou's group suddenly vanished as she screamed in horror and in anger. She was about to charge at Kagome, her purse ready for target practice.

" **DIE WENCH!**"

Within seconds, Kagome heard InuYasha's voice yelling for her. "Kagome! Come on, I'll drive you home."

Before the girl, Kikyou could retort, InuYasha had carried Kagome towards his car. " You know, when you see Kikyou… run for your life."

Kagome kept silent. As InuYasha drove the car, Kagome thought out her plan. 

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How to lose Hojou:

Step 1: hire a boyfriend 

looking at InuYasha, she sighed as she added a few comments in.

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-preferably someone who has the same hobbies as you, and someone more…sensitive.

Kagome rested her head on her hand, propped up on the door. They drove past her house and she seethed. 

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Someone who knows where your house is

" Eto… um… InuYasha?"

"yeah?"

" You missed my house."

InuYasha blinked, and laughed. " Oh, when I said I'd drive you home, I meant drive you to **my** home. We can't very well be a couple without you knowing who my parents are!"

Kagome sank in her seat and wondered what she had done that he would turn so… insane.

'Oh yea… I kicked his nuts.'

As they reached a driveway, Kagome saw Kikyou again, this time, she was speeding towards them in a shiny red convertible. 

" **Higurashi!** " 

Sinking even lower to her seat as InuYasha noticed the girl, she closed her eyes and prayed for a miracle. InuYasha sped up and began to race inside a gate. Kagome opened her eyes and gasped as she saw a large mansion. 

" **INUYASHA!**" 

She thought back to her plan and added a new step.

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2. Step 2: Make sure your 'boyfriend' has no strange ties to anyone… homicidal.

"Come on, mom would love to meet my fiancée!"

Kagome paled and stopped. InuYasha fell flat on his back, still clutching Kagome's hand. " Why'd you stop?"

"Fiancée?!" Kagome shrieked. 

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Make sure you know who you're dealing with…

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Author's Note: hahahahaha! It backfired! Bwahaha… um… just a note: for those of you trying to get rid of a stalker…do not use my steps… 


	5. Stuck Like Glue

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10 Or More Ways to Lose Hojou

Author's Note: No time for chit chat. Here's the chapter. Sorry about the delay...PLEASE STOP GLARING AT THE SCREEN!!!! ^^;;

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Kagome nervously eyed the furniture. There was no doubt in her mind that Inuyasha came from a wealthy family. His house- scratch that, his **mansion** was huge! There were armor in every hallway, and a servant was in every room.

As she twiddled her thumbs, she began to go through her plan in her mind again.

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1. Hire a boyfriend...

'I did that... sort of' she thought warily. ' I'm not sure if I did the right thing...'

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2. Know what you're getting into...

' I should have thought of that before....' Kagome thought. As she turned to her left, she saw a servant standing tall by the doorway. She couldn't help but feel for the man. 

" Excuse me," she asked, getting the man's attention. " Would you like to rest? It's been more than a few minutes, and you're still standing."

The servant smiled gratefully, bowed and left the room, leaving a confused Kagome staring at the doorway. 

'This is one strange family...' she thought. 

Suddenly, a beautiful woman came through the door, with tears in her eyes. She stopped in front of Kagome, who stood up. She pulled Kagome into a tight hug, and laughed. 

" My dear, it seems my son has found the right one this time around!" the violet-eyed woman exclaimed. 

Kagome began to panic, wondering where Inuyasha had gone off to.

" You passed the test, my dear."

Both women looked towards the doorway, and Kagome saw a regal-looking man with long silver-white hair. She assumed that the man was Inuyasha's and Sesshoumaru's father. 

'If that is his father... then this,' Kagome thought, looking at the woman. ' Is Inuyasha's mother...'

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As they settled, servants came in to serve tea. Kagome could not help but feel nervous. Inuyasha sat beside her, with an arrogant smirk on his face. 

"What are **you** smiling about?" she whispered, keeping up the act that she was happy with him. 

Inuyasha turned to her. " You got yourself into this, woman," he said. " You shouldn't have messed with me."

Inuyasha's mother placed her cup down and smiled at Kagome once more. She looked up into her husband's eyes and held his hand. 

" You cannot imagine how long Inutaisho and I have dreamt of someone finally accepting our son as he is," she said tearing up once more. 

Kagome glanced at Inuyasha with confusion clear in her eyes. 'I don't get it... something is definitely not right...'

Inutaisho continued for his wife. " As you know, with Inuyasha being a hanyou, not many females accept him. And with us being a youkai family, they can't help but fear the initiation ceremony."

Kagome's eyes widened. She knew that there were youkai families living in Tokyo, but she had not idea that they were in her own school! She began to panic once more, zoning out of the conversation.

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3. Know the guy's history... make sure that he's not from a family that is psychopathic!

"...And thus, we have to keep you together."

Suddenly, Kagome realized that she missed a big chunk of what possibly could have been, an important discussion. Before she could ask Inuyasha's father to repeat what he had just said, another servant suddenly handcuffed her left hand with Inuyasha's right hand. 

"Nani?"

Inuyasha smirked, knowing what the ceremony was. He had gone through it many times in his lifetime, and he knew that it would be pure hell for Kagome.

" We're informing your parents," Inutaisho said as he stood. " Your things are going to be moved here in two days. I suggest you show her your quarters, Inuyasha."

Kagome watched helplessly as Inuyasha's parents left the room. 

" What did you get me into?!" she asked, clutching her left hand. " I'm a prisoner!"

Inuyasha smirked, and shook his head. " Nah, you're just my 'fiancee'"

Growling, Kagome glared at him as they walked towards his room. ' If that's what you want... **Darling**... two can play at this game!"

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Author's Note: I'm sorry about the long wait... I got carried away. Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter. Sorry it was short. Hopefully the next one will be better. ^^ They're stuck! Bwahahahahahahaha....

Makes you wonder if Kagome was better off with Hojou.


	6. A Little Break from the Wacky

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10 or More ways to lose Hojou

Author's note: wow, that was a long wait... hopefully I won't have to do that again... sadly, knowing me, I probably will... You know what I need? A designated butt-kicker! Yeah! If I slack off at any given time, someone can either give me a really long email yelling at me for not updating or a review which is technically the same, only longer and more rant-y...

If you wish to be that person, be my guest... just make sure you tell me that within the review/email... because I might go youkai on you otherwise... 

Domo arigato!

Random Thought of the day: Ever notice how a strawberry is like a watermelon that's been shrunk, and pulled inside out? The seeds are on the outside!

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Inuyasha was loving every minute of discomfort that Kagome was feeling. Not only was she bound to Inuyasha physically, she would soon be bound to him mentally, and he would have the time of his life paying her back for kicking him.

Kagome, on the other hand, was still thinking about ways to make him pay for his deception. Of course, the thought ran through her mind that she was to blame for putting herself in this situation, but she quickly brushed it away.

'He should have at least **warned** me!' she thought angrily. 

It wasn't as if she was disgusted by the fact that he was hanyou. In fact, she was impressed that there were even youkai still around. 

"So, enjoying yourself, **koishii**?" Inuyasha taunted, crossing his arms, knowing fully that Kagome's arm would be in an uncomfortable position. "Your fault entirely."

Kagome growled, and faced the other direction. He had led them to his room, and Kagome paled at the sight of the sign on the door.

"Inuyasha... you're not telling me that I have to actually **sleep** in the same room with **you**?" she asked slowly. 

Looking at the mischievous hanyou, she found an adorable smirk on his face. She had to admit that he looked cute, in a bad-boy sort of way.

'What am I thinking?!' she scolded herself mentally. 

Inuyasha sensed the change in her mood, and chuckled to himself as he saw the blush staining her cheeks.

'So, she **does** find me attractive' he thought. 'Good.' 

He had gone through so many binding ceremonies, but none of the women were willing, and they always ended up either incarcerated, or insane. There just wasn't anyone out there that could tolerate him.

Before Kagome, there was one woman- Kikyou. 

Inuyasha shuddered at the thought of her name. Kikyou was a woman whom Sesshoumaru had found for Inuyasha. He had assumed Kikyou would be a good match, seeing as she had the patience, as well as the power. Kikyou was a miko, quite powerful actually, but not as powerful as Inuyasha himself. 

Sesshoumaru's ward was amused by her abilities, which was why Sesshoumaru had suggested Kikyou in the first place.

He himself, wasn't willing to mate the woman, but for the sake of his ward... he was willing to become the miko's brother-in-law.

'Stupid Sesshoumaru' Inuyasha growled. 'Making me suffer through hell just to please Rin!'

Kagome noticed that Inuyasha's eyes were starting to bleed red. Not knowing what to do, she prayed that what little spells her grandpa taught her would be able to calm him down.

Surprisingly, it did. Inuyasha felt his anger disappear, and smelled the sweet scent of sakura. Kagome sighed, and began to look around the room. There were a few things that complemented the rest of the decor in the house, but the rest of Inuyasha's things were what one would see in an average ningen's house.

He had a computer, a stereo, a large bed, a large desk with nothing on it. A small shelf with books, and a few magazines lying around.

What surprised Kagome, other than the tidiness of the room, were the outfit behind a glass case and what seemed like an antique sword. Not bothering to look at Inuyasha, she walked towards the case with interest.

"What's that?" she asked.

Inuyasha, who had been watching the woman, was surprised to find that she had taken interest in his old fire-rat haori, and his father's Tessaiga.

"When I was younger, I used to wear that haori for protection. And that sword is my father's. I have yet to break the seal that will enable me to wield it," he said seriously.

Kagome noted that he dropped the modern-day lingo, and seemed mature for a brief moment. His gaze became distant, as if he was reliving a memory. Kagome wondered what his history was. 

She knew youkai could live forever if they so wished. And by the stories that her grandpa told her, hanyous could live half the lifetime a full youkai would. 

'It must be hard for him' she thought sadly. Unconsciously, she placed her arms around Inuyasha's, and placed her head on his shoulder. 

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"Naraku! I have a bone to pick with you!"

His violet eyes became cold, but his expression seemed bright. He greeted the woman with open arms, but she greeted him with a slap in the face.

"Kikyou, koishii, whatever is the matter?" Naraku asked, his voice smooth.

Kikyou's cold, brown, eyes stared into Naraku's violet ones. "You told me that if Inuyasha saw me with you, he'll become jealous and beg for my return!" she screeched.

Naraku winced at the high-pitched sound, and shook his head. "My dear, here, wear this."

He handed her a large pink ribbon, and a Card captor Sakura (disclaimer: I don't own Card Captors...) outfit. Tilting his head, he found that there was something missing. 

He took out a bag from what seemed like thin air, and opened it. Kikyou looked on with interest. He took out a staff, and a Kero plushie.

"Now," Naraku said with satisfaction. " Before we go onto the topic of that hanyou...."

Kikyou waited with anticipation...

"I need you to say something for me," Naraku said. 

Kikyou nodded rigorously. "Hai! What do you want me to say?"

Naraku struck a pose, and looked at Kikyou seductively. 

"How **you** doin'?"

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Author's Note: Bwahahahahah! Friends! ^^ And you thought it would have something to do with little Sakura-chan!

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I hope you liked the little fluffy moment with Inu and Kagome... cuz after this... its going to be wacky, wacky, wacky! Oh, by the way, what couple would you want me to talk about after an Inu/Kag scene?

**Kagura/Hojou Miroku/Sango Rin/Shippou Kouga/Ayame Other ** ****

Be warned, if you choose other, its going to be a random pair from different animes, you may know them, you may not.

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TBC


	7. Lame Jokes

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10 or More ways to Lose Hojou

Author's Note: Thank you for being so patient. Hope you like it... remember, today marks the beginning of WACKY! Nothing will make sense from here on in... well, maybe a few chapters here and there, but everything else is just plain WIERD.

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Kagome woke up in a strange bed she had never been on in her life. She was about to panic, when she felt an arm on her stomach.

__

You have two arms... she thought to herself. _So, whose is that?_

She heard a male groan beside her, and she remembered what had happened the day before. 

'Right...I'm **engaged**!'

Kagome huffed in anger, and sat up. She was about to walk over to where she last saw the bathroom, but her arm didn't seem to comply with the rest of her body.

"What the hell-?"

"Good morning, koishii"

She glared at the half-naked arrogant hanyou. Refusing to make eye contact, she stared at the pillows. 

"Cold shoulder?" Inuyasha asked. "Your fault."

" **My** fault?!?!" Kagome screamed, inwardly smiling at the pain she inflicted on his poor, sensitive, sexy... 'NO!'

She marched up towards him, and started to jab his chest with her finger. 

"Look here, Mr. I'm-better-than-you!" she started, her voice dangerously low. "I apologized! I just needed someone who can get Hojou off my back! I got that, so thank you, but I'll be leaving now!"

Kagome tried to leave, but the chains held her close to her 'enemy'. Turning back, she saw Inuyasha smirking at her. 

"Key, please."

Inuyasha shook his head. "Oh no baby," he started huskily. "There **is** no key."

Kagome gaped at him, and screamed with anger. " **What do you mean there's no key**?!?!?!"

Inuyasha flinched, thanking whatever entity was up there that he had sound-proofed his walls long ago. 

" **I'm chained to an arrogant puppy who has a lunatic stalker ready to kill me, and you're telling me that you ain't go no key?!**" 

"Calm down."

" **OH, don't you f-**!"

Before she could say anything, Inuyasha pressed his lips tightly onto hers, muffling her every scream and swear word. Kagome tried to push him off of her, but half of her brain shut down immediately, loving every minute of his attention.

'What the **hell** am I thinking?!'

Inuyasha finally let her go, and smiled. "See, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

Kagome kept silent, still trying to catch her breath. 'Jerk' she thought. She noticed that the chains disappeared, and she looked at him strangely.

"Wh...How?"

Inuyasha shrugged. "It's meant to keep us together... but when we do become...*erm* close..." he started. "it temporarily goes away, it'll come back in a few hours."

Kagome blushed, and muttered a silent thank you. Without warning, she ran towards the nearest bathroom and locked herself in. 

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Inuyasha took a deep breath, and tried to gather his thoughts. He loved having the woman near him... she smelled so heavenly... yet a part of him wanted to stay clear from her. It didn't want to be hurt again...

Something was needed. 

'A test!' 

The gears in his mind began to turn, and a plan popped up. He dropped his plans on revenge, and decided to 'woo' her for real. 

'Might as well...' he thought sadly, looking at the glass case. ' I only **have** a few more centuries left'

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Hojou walked the hallways with a tight frown on his face. He felt that something wasn't right about Kagome and Inuyasha-sama's relationship. The sight that had greeted him yesterday was not pretty. 

He had decided to visit his beloved, to give her a 'break-up' present from his heart. Of course, he had assumed that she would be doing her homework, but she wasn't even home!

There were so many things missing from her closet as well. 

It was very curious.

"Hojou-kun!"

He turned, and saw Kagura running towards him. He grimaced, not really feeling right to be seen with her. 

In his heart, he would only truly love Kagome... besides... the woman was **insane**!

"Kagura-san," he said politely.

Kagura latched onto him, and held his arm in between her breasts. Hojou rolled his eyes, knowing she was trying to seduce him.

"Hojou-kun... you know what really turns me on?" she asked innocently.

"Orlando Bloom?" 

Kagura looked at him blankly. 

"Um... other than him..." she said.

"Johnny Depp?"

Kagura frowned. "You always ruin my fun!"

Hojou sighed. 'If only she could remember that she asks me this every day...'

In the corner of his eyes, he saw one of the Youkai gang leaders walking towards him. 

"Ah! Sesshoumaru-dono!"

He nodded slightly, and kept on walking. Hojou, not knowing when to back off, decided to follow the stoic youkai lord. 

"What do you think you are doing?" Sesshoumaru asked, not bothering to turn around.

"Well, Sesshoumaru-dono, I was merely following you in case you were in need of something," he said cheerfully, making Sesshoumaru flinch by his sudden light mood.

"Sesshoumaru-sama! Sesshoumaru-sama!"

Hojou stared blankly at the new student that seemed to follow his 'idol' everywhere. He was a short, green-complexioned youkai. 

'I think he is in desperate need of a bath' Hojou thought, cringing inwardly. 

"Sesshoumaru-sama! I have your dress!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kagome left the bathroom, cautiously. She cursed inwardly at her stupidity. She didn't bring any clothes with her. So obviously, she didn't want to be caught wearing nothing but a thin towel!

As she entered Inuyasha's room, she failed to notice that he hadn't really left since she ran to take a bath. 

She left the towel fall on the floor, and she began to search Inuyasha's closet for any loose clothing.

"Why bother changing, you look **hot**!"

Kagome screamed, and tried to hide. Without anything, she began to throw things at him. 

There went the pillow.

And the vase.

And the speaker.

And the computer.

Sharp clawed cat.

Daggers.

Wagon of ripley's freaks

"STOP!"

Kagome opened her eyes, and became worried when she saw Inuyasha underneath a pile of broken things. 

"Ohmigosh! Are you okay? I'm so sorry!" she said, not noticing that she was still nude.

Inuyasha stared at her dreamily. "I really won't mind being tied down to **you**"

Kagome growled, and threw the first thing that her hands came across. Which, sad to say, was Inuyasha's sword.

His eyes became wide as it glowed a bright blue. 

"NO! DON'T! I DIDN'T GET INSURANCE YET!!!!!!!!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Naraku.."

"Yes, Dear Kikyou?"

"Do you think I'm pretty?"

"Yes."

"Prettier than Kagura?"

"Definitely."

"What about Kagome?"

"Uh... sure?"

"Halle Berry?"

"Hell no."

****

Author's Note: ^^ Friend of mine wanted that last scene. Must say, if you say it out loud, it sounds soooooooo funny. Make sure you say 'Hell No' in a very feminine way.

TBC 

Only 9 chapters left until the END!


	8. Back In School

****

10 Or More Ways to Lose Hojou

Author's Note: Special Thanks to Celestial Demon, because if it weren't for her, this chapter would not have been here at all.

Random Comment: Take 5 dimes (10 cents) and put them in a circle (or as close to it as you can). Now, place them in a heads-tails pattern. Now, are you getting frustrated yet?

Its not possible! Heads-tails-heads-tails...oops?! tails again... if you managed to get it into that heads-tails pattern without it messing up... you don't have the dimes in a circle... its that or you have to check the pattern again.

===============================================

Kagome blushed furiously, keeping her head down. Inuyasha had insisted that they take his car to school, and she ignorantly agreed. Now, she had no choice, but to sit there as he drove through ever crowded street he could find.

"Inuyasha, what are we doing here?" Kagome asked, through clenched teeth. "I thought we were going to school?!"

Inuyasha grinned mischievously, making Kagome's heart skip a beat.

"Don't worry, koishii," he started, gaining speed. " I just have to get something."

Kagome sighed, and sunk as far as she could. The fact that she was sitting in a convertible didn't exactly help her situation. She could see Yuri and the rest of her friends gawking at her and her new **fiancé**.

"What on earth do you need to get at **this** hour?" Kagome muttered, crossing her arms, pouting slightly.

Inuyasha mentally groaned. 'Does she **know** that she's torturing me?' he wondered, trying to keep his control.

He saw the jewelry store up ahead, and slammed on the breaks. Kagome gripped her seat for dear life, even though she was had her seat belt secure around her body.

" Be right back," Inuyasha said, not waiting for a reply, he hoisted himself out of the red convertible and ran inside the store.

Kagome took a deep breath, and tried to relax.

"Kagome-san!"

She tensed, and the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. 'Please, kami-sama, don't let it be who I think it is...'

She slowly turned around, and placed on a fake smile.

"Hojou-kun..."

The ebony-haired boy smiled back, and gave her a slight bow. "Ohayo! I stopped by your house to give you this."

Kagome eyed the package that he held before him, and noticed Kagura standing sadly beside the enthusiastic teen.

"Kagura!"

She nodded in reply. "Ohayo."

Hojou didn't seem to notice that Kagome had started to ignore him, but he stood with the package in his hand.

"What are you guys doing here?" she asked tentatively. 'Come on, Inuyasha... I don't know how long I can keep from accepting Hojou's 'gift'.'

"Hojou-kun wanted to find you," Kagura replied sadly.

Kagome winced, and returned her gaze to the still-standing boy. She smiled politely and took the package from his arms. She gazed at the shiny packaging, and then back to Hojou. He was waiting for her to open it, but Kagome decided against it.

"I'm back!"

'Never thought, I would actually love to hear his voice!'

"Inu-koi!" Kagome said slowly. Inuyasha seemed surprised, until he saw Kagura and Hojou standing by his car.

His expression darkened when he saw the package in Kagome's hand. From the scent of it, the gift had been from the smiling boy.

"What are you doing here Hojou?" he asked, keeping his anger in check. He really had no idea why he was so angry, but it seemed the thing to do at the time. "Are you hitting on my fiancée?"

Hojou frowned, and shook his head. "Iie, Inuyasha-sama! I was just giving her a present."

Kagome saw Kagura's worried expression, and decided to break the tension before Hojou got injured.

" They were just wondering if they could get a ride, koi," Kagome cut in, ready to get out.

Inuyasha looked at her, and saw the pleading look in her brown eyes. His expression softened, and he nodded.

" Climb in."

Kagome sighed, and gave him a thankful look. As he climbed in, he leaned close, as if to kiss her.

"You owe me."

She nodded, a sinking feeling of dread forming in her stomach. " I know."

==========================

Kikyou frowned as she grasped Naraku's arm. She watched as the happy 'couple' walked down the hallway. Only she knew that they weren't a real couple. At least not yet.

It wouldn't do her any good if she was to stand there and watch.

She had been through the 'ceremony' that Inuyasha had put her through. She loved it, and she wanted to become his wife... but his parents had found a flaw in her, and they forbade their marriage...

"Ready, Kikyou?" Naraku whispered.

Kikyou nodded.

They started to walk towards the couple, and she smiled as they stopped in front of them. But before they could start degrading them, Naraku brushed her from his arm.

"Kagome, koishii..." Naraku said, opening his arms. He began to run towards her. "I just **knew** you'd come back to Nara-chan!!!"

Suddenly, someone's leg stuck out and tripped the long-haired pretty boy, and sent him flying towards Inuyasha.

Time seemed to slow down, and Inuyasha's expression went from being horrified, to disgusted, then to angry. Kagome, on the other hand kept her expression throughout the whole thing; amused...

As Naraku flew in the air, Kikyou seemed to scream indignantly, while Sesshoumaru tried to push a crying Jaken away from his person. Kagura was kicking Kouga in the shin while Kouga was pestering Hojou for money.

Naraku finally came back on the ground, his body weight pushing Inuyasha down as well. As luck would have it, their lips touched, and time returned to its normal speed.

Silence.

" **EEEEWWWW GROSS**! "

A collective groan of disgust and horror was heard after the silence. Inuyasha pushed Naraku off of him, and ran straight towards the bathroom. Many of the women who had seen the entire thing began to kick Naraku's unconscious body. Kikyou had fainted sometime before.

Kagome could only smile at her great fortune, and began to whistle a happy tune while she skipped to class.

'This is great... I didn't have to do anything! I wonder where Sango is...'

==========================================

"Blah!"

Inuyasha started washing his mouth with whatever he could find, only to discover that the putrid taste of Naraku still hung in his mouth. Suddenly, an idea struck his head, and he raced out of the bathroom in search for a certain miko.

Kagome was sitting in her first class, laughing as Sango began to tell her of her newly acquired stalker.

Suddenly, Sango stopped talking, and seemed to look behind Kagome.

Kagome turned around, and found Inuyasha standing behind her. "Inu? Wha-"

Without any warning, he grabbed her arms and pulled her up into a passionate kiss. After nearly two minutes, he stopped the kiss and looked at a speechless Kagome.

Smirking, he shrugged. "I had a bad taste in my mouth."

Sango hid her smile behind her hand.

' Wow, it seems Souta's not a bad match-maker!'

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kagome panted, and glared at her own reflection. After that wonderful kiss that she had just experienced, she had excused herself to go to the bathroom. Looking at herself, she was flustered, and her lips were swollen.

She could not believe that Inuyasha had just publicly made out with her... and he wasn't at all ashamed of it!

'Ooh... when I get my hands on that...' Kagome stopped, she couldn't think of any insults at all. Sighing, she thought over the list... and added a new one.

****

Step 5: Make sure you don't fall in love with said 'boyfriend'

=================================================

"How could she do this to meee?"

Kikyou rolled her eyes. "Naraku! This isn't about you!"

Naraku glared at her, and showed her his hands. "How could you say that?!?! I'm the one that broke a friggin' nail!!!"

Sighing, Kikyou sat silently behind the crying man. ' **Now** what do I do?'

=================================================

****

Author's Note: Short... I know. After that long wait, I could only think of this... but there is only 8 more chapters until the end.

Will be explained in the next chapter.

By the way, this ficcie is mostly about Kagome and Inuyasha... so don't be surprised if I don't write that much about the other couples...


	9. Heroic Heroes

****

10 Or More Ways To Lose Hojou

Author's Note: Hello everyone, thank you for waiting ever-so patiently for this chapter. I hope you like it. I'm so close to finishing the whole story (7 Chapters ), and this will be my first ever completed HUMOR IY fic!

clap

Enjoy

============================================

Lunch time had arrived, and there was only one subject in every group's conversation: Inuyasha's new **fiancée**. After witnessing a few days' worth of holding hands, and 'private' conversations, the entire school was congratulating the happy couple, wanting to be invited to their wedding.

Kagome muttered under her breath as Inuyasha shook yet another boy's hand, one who had a long-time crush on Kagome.

"My, my, you've been busy all you're life, ne?" Inuyasha teased, amused in seeing her blush.

"For your information, **koishii**," Kagome spat, " You're the first **boyfriend** I've ever had."

Inuyasha stopped what he was doing, and stared at Kagome, who was busy eating a fry. He couldn't believe that a beautiful girl like her had never dated before in her life. He felt lucky to have gotten to her first. As he sat down to eat his own lunch, a part of him wished that Kagome would agree to marry him.

His fingers were itching to dish out the box in his pocket, but he knew better. He needed to make sure that Kagome knew that he was falling for her.

"Sango!"

He woke from his reverie and found Kagome's best friend with a scowl on her face. He then turned to see the boy behind her, and knew why she was in an awful disposition.

"Kaggie, would you mind telling your boyfriend to tell this **creep** to leave me alone?!" Sango asked, glaring at Miroku, who seemed oblivious to her harsh words.

"My sun only shines for thee, fair lady," Miroku sighed, handing her a bouquet of lavenders. "Would thou be so kind, as to let me be thine escort for yon ball?"

He received blank stares, and decided to decipher his broken _Olde English_.

"Would you like to be my date for tomorrow's dance?" he asked, hoping Sango would agree.

She looked uncertain, until Kagome nudged her ribs.

"Come on, the guy's obviously trying his best to 'court' you. Unlike some people I know," she whispered.

Sango had an evil gleam in her eyes, and looked from Kagome to Miroku. "I'll go if Kagome goes with Inuyasha."

Inuyasha's grin widened, and Miroku gave Kagome the most pathetic look he could muster. As much as Kagome didn't like the thought of being in a dark, crowded place with Inuyasha, she couldn't help but feel as though she owed Sango for helping her with her love life.

She smiled weakly, and faced Sango. "Well, you better be prepared, Sango-chan... the dance **is** tomorrow night!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Sango wasn't prepared for Kagome's response. She had figured that her best friend would turn down her idea, knowing how much Kagome hated Inuyasha and their false engagement.

But somewhere, deep inside of herself, she hoped Kagome would agree. Miroku was a nice guy, even if he did annoy her. It was ... almost _sweet_ how he followed her around.

As she went in search of a dress to wear, a thought hit her.

"What if Kagome _likes_ Hojou...but she's only denying it?" Sango wondered out loud.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Somewhere in Inuyasha's mansion, Kagome sneezed. 'Hm... someone must be talking about me.' Then suddenly, a sudden gross feeling crawled up her spine. 'And that someone is thinking about something gross and unlikely to happen...'

Inuyasha watched as Kagome's expression went from calm to horrified in less than a millisecond. 'I wonder what she's thinking about?'

****

INUYASHA'S IMAGINATION

__

Kagome smiled brightly at him, holding his hands as they walked down the isle. Their friends cheered as they shared their first kiss as man and wife.

"Oh, Inu-koi, this is the happiest moment of my life!"

"Mine, too, Kagome... mine too."

END "...mmm..." 

Kagome turned to Inuyasha, who seemed to be daydreaming. He had a content expression on his face, and his eyes were glossed over.

"Inuyasha?" she asked, waving her hands in his eyes.

"...I do" he murmured.

"You do what?"

"Want to see you in a cat-suit."

The next thing he knew, he was on the floor... with a red hand print on his left cheek.

"Wh-wha?"

Kagome turned and glared at him. "Serves you right... pervert."

==========================================================

Hojou tried his best to look inconspicuous as his climbed over a wall. He surveyed his surroundings and smiled at his great spy work.

"Ha! What kind of mansion has this low quality security system?" He asked out loud.

He suddenly stopped, hearing a loud growling behind him. He took a deep breath, and slowly turned around. Facing him, was a giant white dog, with glowing red eyes.

****

What the hell do you think you're doing?

"Um... I'm er... improving my rock climbing skills..."

Naraku sighed, and shook his head. "Amateur"

He deftly skulked into the mansion with his baboon cape on. He looked around, and narrowed his eyes at the hallways.

"Last we saw our heroic hero, he was fighting for his life from an angry mob of women-monsters," he narrated softy. "Now, we join our hero again, as he valiantly risks his life for the love of his li-urk!"

"stupid cape!"

===============================================================

Author's Note: Wow... talk about short... and stupid! Yes, my friends, Naraku and Hojou are now off to find Kagome... Hojou isn't who he seems is he? ****

TBC


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